Monday, May 14, 2012

Fibromyalgia and pain management through art

I love experimenting with lettering, and I was really sleepy...
You may have noticed the recent lack of posts here. There is a reason, and it's not because I've lost interest in my blog. Instead, it's the usual reason- my fibromyalgia is causing me quite a few problems.

For the past few months, I've been having more and more issues with pain control, and I've been able to do less and less. Not good when you have a life to live, you know? For some reason, instead of telling my doctors how I'm actually doing, I tend to try and suck it up and just power through, hoping things will improve.

Of course, that never works, and I just end up making myself and everyone around me miserable as I try. Then I end up feeling horribly guilty, like somehow I've failed for having so much fibro pain. It makes no sense, and I seem to keep going through this cycle- I improve to a point I'm starting to get more active and feel better, so I want to come down on the medications that help me feel better.

I drew this at the party for my niece's first communion.
I just didn't want to put her name out there on the nets. :D
Now we're in the stage where we fix it. We're making changes to my medications, slowly so that I don't end up an overmedicated zombie. Unfortunately, the change we made last month actually seems to have made things worse. This is definitely not fun...

It's been quite the experience, to say the least. I've been going with unpolished nails for a lot of the time, because I just don't have the energy to paint them, or because I'm shaking too badly from pain to actually do them. My son and my husband have been wonderful, trying to cheer me up and keep me laughing even if they can't make the pain go away.

That's why I'm writing this post- for those of you who have fibromyalgia too, or those of you who have a chronic health condition. Some days are just bad, and that's ok. I like to share what I do to make those days more tolerable.

First off- music. I can't even begin to explain how much music alters my brain chemistry and takes me someplace else, where the pain is more tolerable. Everyone's musical balms will be different, but mine are Incubus, Jack Conte and Pomplamoose, Jack Johnson... each one creates a different response in me, but they're all useful.

I drew all of these during a particularly nasty
flash flood, in which my mom's house came
within about a half inch of getting water inside.
It was scary.
Laughter is also important for me. Even when I'm in tears from pain, I can laugh, and do. My husband is still my closest friend, and even after 20 years he can make me laugh easily. We snuggle when I can, and when it hurts too much he'll sit with me and talk, and make me laugh.

I really do think I'm the lucky one in our relationship. :D

Finally, I love to be creative when I can. Drawing when I can, and when I can't I color. In fact, when the pain got seriously bad, my husband and I went to WalMart so I could walk for a bit, and when I couldn't walk any more, he got a wheelchair for me and pushed me through the store, looking at cosmetics and toys and electronics. He took me through the coloring book section, where I picked out a sweet Strawberry Shortcake coloring book. I also got some neon colored pencils, since I love bright color.

I don't know why coloring is so satisfying for me, but it really is. It's almost hypnotic for me, watching each section slowly fill with color, coming to life with the rhythmic motion of my hand. I can lose myself in the application of color, even to something as silly as a children's coloring book.

Drawing for me is very similar. I rarely know what I'm going to draw when I start one of the mandala-type things I've been doing lately. I start with a square or a circle, and then just start adding bits. Piece by piece, they expand, each taking on their own style and vibe.

I love the tendrils flowing out from this one. It
makes me think of some sort of underwater creature,
flowing bits swirling around in the currents.
Before long, I've got a piece that seems finished, except for color. Lots of times, I hate what I've got at that point. But I keep going, coloring in the spaces and adding to the piece, sometimes blending pens together to achieve gradients or new colors. Speaking of pens...

I have a bit of an addiction. My purse would be so much lighter without my pens, but I need them. When I'm feeling stressed out or hurting, I pull out my notebook and start to draw, and things feel better. But the pens...

I don't even know how many pens I carry. I've made two small pouches that stand up in my purse so that my pens don't get lost in my bag. I have regular black drawing pens (one super-fine point, one fine point, a couple of medium point, some sharpies...), neon gel pens, metallic pens, glitter pens. I have a set of ballpoint pens in various colors of the rainbow. When I think about which pens I would want to stop carrying? I can't even pick... they're my security blanket, and they go wherever I go.

This little guy is a... well, he's a bird thing. He doesn't honk, he doesn't quack.
He quonks. And that's good enough for me.
I don't always draw mandala things. I seem to get almost obsessed with things. For a while I drew fancy cakes, cupcakes. I even did a couple of paintings of cakes. Then it moved on to other things...

I draw robots and fairies and fantasy landscapes. And now, apparently, I draw bird things. I don't even know... but he's kind of cute.

So yea... pain management. I see my doctor in a couple of weeks, and hopefully I'll be feeling well enough to finish the kick-butt video I'm editing right now, and to do the reviews I've got in my planner. I've got so many plans, if I can get my body to cooperate!

Next month will be better.
See my disclosure statement for more information.

22 comments:

  1. I hope that you and your doctor can figure something out so that your pain level goes down. I'm happy for you that you have such an awesome husband. And- those drawings are beautiful! Take care!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I'm very lucky to have a team that I trust and that trusts me. I know we'll manage to get this under control, it's just that it takes time to adjust the meds to the right level. I'll definitely take that over someone just throwing so many drugs at me that I'm a zombie.

      Delete
  2. My mom has fibro, and at 21 I'm already showing signs I've got it too, so I feel your pain (quite literally). I know first and second-hand what it's like to have a bad day and how much it interferes with life. I hope you get your meds sorted out and feel better very, very soon. <3 Good luck, and take care.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so, so sorry. My best advice for you would be limit caffeine, drink enough water, get enough sleep, and stay fit now... fitness and exercise do more to control fibro than anything else. It's so much easier to stay fit and maintain a level of fitness, rather than having to try and claw your way back after years of pain and inactivity like I'm doing.

      Yea, I should be back to somewhat-normal soon enough. I see my doctor next week... *yay!*

      Delete
  3. Do what you gotta do & use your spoons wisely! We'll wait for you cuz you're are most definitely worth waiting for, Miz Laynie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! When I read your comment, it actually made me misty-eyed. Comments like yours make hard days easier to get through! *hugs*

      Delete
  4. Gentle but super awesome hugs to you! I hope you get settled with your meds soon. In the meantime take care and keep on with those drawings because they are all so amazing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! It's funny, but I can't seem to STOP drawing! My husband laughs at me, but in a supportive way.

      Delete
  5. I suffer from chronic pain as well. I paint my nails to try to distract myself from how I'm feeling. I get pretty down when I can't do anything creative from the pain. Maybe I'll try coloring on the days I can't sit up. Thank you for this post. I hope you get the right combo of meds soon so you can feel better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it amazing how much some color on your fingertips can brighten your day? I'm still blown away at how much color can cheer me up. I hope you find coloring helps... I came home with a new coloring book and the big 72-pack of colored pencils tonight!

      Delete
  6. Thank-you for posting this - I know it can be hard even to type sometimes when our bodies just won't co-operate :(
    You've reminded me it's time to pull my supplies out & start using creativity to help me through - I used to print off sheets of Mandalas to colour in - so you aren't alone there! :)
    Hope you get some relief & better days very soon
    JJxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! That's one thing that gets me though this- the knowledge that even though I have bad days, I also have good ones and the good days will come again.

      I was looking at coloring sheets online the other day and found there's a whole group of people who consider themselves adult colorers! I felt so guilty, because the first thought that came to mind from that phrase was NOT adults who color, but something entirely different! *hides*

      Delete
    2. Hahaha!! I know what you mean! ;)
      Took me a while to not feel embarrassed about wanting to just colour - but then realised it was because is was all I could manage to do at the time & that it was ok :)
      JJxx

      Delete
    3. You know, even before I got sick, I still loved to color. I mean, I'm an artist, so I guess it's just another art form. But yea, every so often I'd go get a new coloring book or two and some new colored pencils or some fun markers and just go nuts with them. :D

      So even on the days you can do something else, I hereby give you permission to color whenever you want to, as a pick me up or a meditation, as a moment to yourself or just for the heck of it!

      Delete
    4. Whooop! I'm freeeeeee to colour! :D
      I love love love going to stationary shops to get new pens *coloooooours* I just love colour full stop! That's why I can't stop buying nail polish - I become obsessed with needed to take this amazing pot of colour home with me ;)

      Delete
    5. Oh my gosh, so do I!! Even going to Home Depot can keep me entertained for ages. And pens... *laughs* I carry entirely too many. But I use them all, so I guess it's worth it. They let me do good things, like...

      My husband and I had gone to WalMart for some crafty goodies and the employee working in the crafts department was really, really helpful and friendly. So, once we checked out we talked to the manager on duty who asked us to write up an evaluation for the employee. I did, and I used my pretty pens for accent and whimsy. I wouldn't have been able to do that without my favorite pens!

      Delete
    6. Aww that is so cool! I bet the employee really appriciated that too :)
      I have countless pencil cases *ooooh pencil cases!* filled with all sorts but as I've just moved house I haven't unpacked them yet :(
      My all time favourite pens are the range by Sakura Called Gelly roll - I can get hypnotized by those babies! It's almost like painting - so shiny & smooth! :)

      Delete
    7. Ooooh, I love gel pens, but I've never tried the Sakura ones. I hear they're super, but I haven't found them around here, and I'm kinda cheap. :D

      Delete
  7. *hugs* I hope you feel better soon dear. I have to say I admire how you deal with this. It takes a lot of strength.
    And your drawings, wow, amazing <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. As for dealing with it... it's not like I have a whole lot of choice, it's here whether I like it or not. But at least I can try not to be a miserable lump that makes everyone around me miserable! :D

      Delete
  8. Oh my gosh, I just came here after seeing your stuff on Instructables. Didn't know I'd find a fellow FMSer. Totally sucky isn't it? I've been considering a pain specialist, how is that working compared to a rhematologist/physical medicine doc? Just got approved for medicaid, (gulp, I hate saying that) after a year of no insurance, so I'm kind of starting over with a blank slate as far as medication/treatment. Love your stuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, incredibly sucky! I haven't seen a rheumatologist, there's a HUGE story behind that. But the pain management clinic I'm seeing is familiar with treatment for fibro, so they can (and do) prescribe everything a rheum can. I'd love to see a physical therapist, but I'm self-pay and just can't afford it. I'm barely affording the pain clinic, but they've made such an improvement in my life.

      I wish I had medicaid, truth be told. We don't qualify, which really bites. Ah well... such is life.

      Delete

Thanks so much for taking the time to comment. I may not reply due to time constraints, but I read every comment and I appreciate them all!

Please don't leave links in my comments unless they directly apply to a conversation. If you want a link exchange, feel free to email me. Spam links will be deleted.