Wow. I'm all sorts of weird.

Do you ever have one of those experiences that just defies explanation? Yea, I just had one of those. Let me see if I can explain...

Right now, I'm reading Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. It's funny and thought-provoking and bizarre, which really isn't a surprise if you've read her blog. Be warned- that last link is probably not at all kid safe or work safe.

She's the type of person who keeps multiple taxidermied animals and often makes up dialogue for them. She's made Christmas cards using the taxidermied head she named James Garfield, and that same James Garfield inadvertently raised $42,000 to help people buy Christmas gifts for their kids and then ended up on Canadian TV for some reason.

She's kind of a cool chick.

Now, you need to realize that when I saw my pain management doctor last week, we changed my meds around a bit. I'd reached the point where I wasn't sleeping much at all anymore. I'd sleep an hour or two and then be awake for another 24-36 hours. You can probably understand how that would make any normal person feel pretty craptacular. It's even worse for people with fibro, and sets off this vicious cycle: I hurt, which means I can't sleep, which makes me hurt more, which keeps me awake... you can probably see where this is headed.

So... here's me a week into the new meds schedule and I'm sleepy all the time. I went from sleeping 1-2 hours a day to being awake 4-5 hours a day. *laughs* It won't stay like this, but man, I'm catching up on sleep.

... and that leads us to the point of this whole rambling blog post. I'd been reading the aforementioned book while sitting up cross-legged in bed when I suddenly looked at my hand. Apparently I'd drifted off to sleep and was dreaming that I was eating Triscuits, only to wake up mid-bite. My hand was poised in perfect Triscuit-holding position, and my mouth was open and everything.

So yea... I was sleep-miming eating Triscuits, and was actually annoyed when I saw that there was no Triscuit in my hand!!

Nope, I've got nothing. I think I need a nap.

At least I'm sleeping more?

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OMG, seriously?!

I suppose I should be used to this. Just when I think I've about got the computer stuff resolved, then comes a camera issue. And a software issue. And a Laynie issue... It's insane.

Somehow, the battery charger and spare battery we have for our camera disappeared. Not sure if it fell out of our camera bag last weekend or if it's somewhere in the house, but without it I'm dead in the water- no photos, no video, no nothing.

So, I figured I'd work on the video I've got already shot, except that suddenly my video editing program isn't recognizing that my video files are actually... you know, video. Makes it hard to edit video...

And finally, between my husband's dental nightmare and my fibro I've been absolutely pooped. I'm finally sleeping again, but holy cow I'm not getting much ELSE done. Stupid body.

I guess what I'm saying is don't give up on me, I am gonna be doing some super fun stuff soon. I just have to get everything together. You know... eventually. *shakes head*

You suck, soap opera writer!

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Wheee, I've finally figured it out!

Ok,  I've been working on this for a couple of weeks now, and I finally got it to work the way I wanted it to! I've got a video filmed, and am working on editing it. Until then, here's a teaser for what you'll learn to do soon!

The good news is this technique is quick, easy, and fun! It's also wonderful for you creative types, because you can do just about anything you like- greyscale images, color images, photos, clip art... the sky is the limit!

And since this is so easy, my rarely-seen right hand is making an appearance as well! You can see that they look alike! For once, you don't have to be skilled with your non-dominant hand. You can easily do designs that match!

So, rest assured, I've got the video shot and am working on editing it. I just got so excited I needed to share this!

I am absolutely loving this new technique...

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It's a monster flashback!

Here's another flashback, this time one of my favorite manicures of all time! I still get tempted to do another manicure like this, although I get sidetracked with all the other designs I want to do. Sometimes it's frustrating being creative!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these monsters, because I know I did!

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I have just finished the silliest set of nail tips that I think have ever existed. Rhinestones? Heck no, that's too elegant! Roses? BORING. (Not really, but go with me on this!) I wanted something different, something that really expressed my inner self. I wanted monsters! But not just any monsters. No... I wanted monsters with WIGGLY EYES!

That's right. These nail tips have monsters on them, and those monsters have 3D wiggly eyes that actually move! Some of them look excited, some of them look menacing, but most of them look kind of confused, and I really like that! They're silly, and they're weird, and they're in halloween colors to boot! Purple, green, and orange combine on a stark black background to make these monsters really pop.

Now, I started these ages ago. I got the test one finished way back on August 6, believe it or not! They clearly didn't take that much time to complete. But I got the bases painted and then had a huge moment of fear: could I finish them? Could I make them as cute as I hoped they would be? And those nails sat, and waited, taunting me simply by being unfinished. It was almost depressing!

Then one night I realized that hey, it doesn't matter if they're perfect. They don't have to be perfect because they're monsters! That moment freed me from the fear I was fighting with, and I was able to dive in and get back to work on them. The more I worked, the happier I got, until finally I was giggling as I painted on the goofy details, the pink hair bow, or the goofy teeth on the orange guy with eye stalks. They're not perfect, but they're cute, and that's enough for me. Anyone who wants perfect monsters can paint their own!

By the way, I think you should enlarge the image above, even if you don't click any other images on this blog. It's silly, and you can see all the little guys in their full glory. They're pretty nutty, really, and I love them all! I may have to make my own set of these, especially if someone buys them.

Wait, buy them? That's right, this set of nails is also up on Etsy for $24.95. They'll come nicely and safely packaged so that you don't have to worry about them being squished by the post office, and then you'll get to love the little guys while I miss them.  These guys found their new home ages ago.

It's ok. I can make more. Already, my mind is filled with googly-eyed critters, and I'm wondering what to make next...

So, what do you think? Any other critters you'd like to see?

Flashback: More splatters, on black!

Ugh. Still dealing with computer issues. I'm typing this from my husband's computer. *sighs* It will get fixed, I promise... but til then, look at this gorgeous set of nails I did way back in July of 2010!

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You know, I admit it. I am totally a child of the 80s. I love neon, I love wild prints, and I love paint splats. This set of nails reminds me of a sweatshirt I had in grade school, only the shirt was white instead of black. But what better color than black to make colors pop?

You can see how vivid the colors are. I can't lie, I want to keep these all for myself! So much fun, but at least I can redo them if I decide to!

This set of nails is made with a custom-mixed rainbow of acrylic paints, so that they have the same level of intensity. I love the black base, and the topcoat makes the colors so intense and glassy!

I won't lie, I can see doing this design with shimmers, metallics, glitters... monochromatic colors, analogous colors... I think it'd be fun no matter HOW I mixed it up! It's just downright FUN! Oooh, imagine white splats on a black background, with the occasional splat of red! There are so many ways to do this, and I don't know if any are better than the others. You'll definitely see this pattern again, if only on Etsy! Speaking of Etsy, these will be going up as soon as I finish this post.

I'm so excited to add that I've got some surprises coming up soon! I'm planning some videos, both of some of those dramatic, color-shifting polishes in the sun as well as some technique videos. If you have anything you'd like to see, feel free to leave requests in the comments!

And oy, I've just looked at the clock to see that once again, I'm catching 7:30am from the wrong side. I think I need to go to sleep. Man... one of these days I'll get my internal clock set right again.

...maybe. :D

I really am going to get things fixed around here, I promise!

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It's a work in progress...

I know, it's been entirely too long without new content. I'd love to blame it on something interesting (like all the craziness that's been going on at my house...) but one of the main reasons is because I'm sort of obsessing over a new technique.

I'd read about it online, and wasn't quite sure how it would work. So, for the past week I've been experimenting lots, trying to figure out why it works, how it works, and how I can present it so that other people can get some useful tips to make it work for them. Unfortunately, I've only got it working maybe 3 out of 5 times, so that's not enough for me to write a tutorial on it.

However, that doesn't mean I can't show a quick teaser, to give you an idea of what I'm doing. It's interesting, and gives you a glimpse of what my nails look like when I'm in the middle of developing a process. So, without too much more blabbing, here are the pics. I'm getting closer to making it work!

Sometimes blogging is hard!

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Blast from the past: The one where I got glitter up my nose.

Still fussing with computer problems here, so I'll share another old post that makes me smile. The nail art in this one is a bit of a fail, but the story I share is...

... well, I'll let you decide.

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I'm taking a break from the batch of nail tips I decorated, but don't worry. You're still getting the holiday nail art, but today it's more of a cautionary tale, although I'm not quite sure what I'm cautioning you against. I think it's a simple Don't do this, because it isn't pretty!

But first, let me show you yesterday's adventures! I finally sold the monster nails, so I treated myself to a sample pack of glitter! Unfortunately, it came packaged in cute little baggies, which doesn't work for me. I debated for quite a while in Michaels, trying to figure how I was going to store this stuff so that I could use it!

Then it hit me. I saw a set of paint pots for $2.75 hanging in the section with palettes and containers and things for painting. Have I mentioned I'm frugal? Yea, I don't want to spend $10 on something to store my $4 glitter, so this was just right for me! The only issue would be transferring the glitter from the packets to the pots, but I could be careful, right?

Right. The thing I forgot to take into consideration was that this is microglitter. It's so incredibly fine that it can waft into the air like a dust cloud, gently drifting and lazily gliding on air currents in the room. How do I know this, you ask yourself? Lemme tell you...

Because I'm so frugal, I wanted to get every last speck of the glitter out of the packages. I spent good money on that stuff, and I don't want to waste it! I cut the edge of the first bag off (emerald green, ine you were wondering, and haven't seen me since the incident!), gently tap-tap-tapped it into the pot, being careful not to spill any. Then, I lifted the bag up with the cut end pointing up, intending to tap it on my finger to pull down the glitter stuck to the edges of the bag. It worked perfectly while the bag was closed!

Unfortunately, I didn't think this through carefully enough. When I tapped the bag on my finger, instead of this causing gravity and inertia to pull the glitter on the edges of the bag down to the bottom it turned the bag into a very small bellows, sending a tiny mushroom cloud of green glitter directly into my face.  It felt like it was in slow motion, this tiny cloud expanding toward my face, enveloping my head in its sparkly green goodness. Except it wasn't quite goodness that enveloped my head. It was glitter, and glitter never goes away.

I won't waste your time with the tales of how I finally got all the bits of glitter picked up and shaken out of my hair. Let's just say it included lots of masking tape, lots of cursing, and lots of my family pointing and laughing at me. I deserved it, clearly, but really... how was I supposed to know this was going to happen?

I finally got the glitter packed away and most of the random glitter fallout picked up. What am I saying... I know I'm going to be finding glitter in random places for the next 15 years. Glitter is like herpes- once you get it on you, it never goes away.

And on to the nail art, since I've shared my secret shame. Unfortunately, this isn't much less embarrassing. I had visions of a cute, sassy Konad look that would be fun to wear. What I ended up with was more like the 80s threw up all over my nails. It's not horrible, granted, and it's better than I could do when I first got the Konad stuff. But still?

This isn't good. Not by a long shot. And the more I did to it, the worse it got.

It all started with the package I won from Scandalously Polished over twitter. I had no idea what to expect, so I was absolutely BLOWN AWAY when I saw it was 10 polishes and 4 nail foils! CRAZY! She is super awesome, and if you haven't seen her blog, then scoot over right after you read this and say hi!

In that package was a polish from H&M called Bella's Choice. I'm going to assume this has something to do with that vampire thing going around... Dusk or Nightfall or Twilight or something, yea? Whatever... it's an absolutely gorgeous turquoise creme that I couldn't wait to put on. I was hoping it would look wonderful on me!

In truth, not so much. It made me look somewhat ill. My husband looked at it and called it "that puke polish you're wearing." I wore it grocery shopping and the cashier caught sight of my nails, did a double take, then quickly looked away with a strange look on her face. I think she didn't want to ask if I was feeling ok, but you could tell she didn't think it looked good. I like the color, though, so I figured maybe if I stamped over it, I'd be able to wear it.

Enter the second color she sent- H&M Goddess on Stage. This polish is magnificent, y'all. I really don't even have the words to describe how amazing this is. Creamy, gorgeous, just luscious. I thought it would play nicely with Bella's Choice and make something wearable for me. But it actually stamped sort of sheerly, and in my stamping ineptitude I ended up missing spots and stuff.

No big deal, I thought to myself, I can just fix those spots with a brush. Sure, except that I couldn't copy the consistent thinness of the stamped image, leaving me with heavy purple spots on the edges of the print. Oh yea, that looks GREAT.

Maybe I can add some color to the spots, to draw the eye away from the dark edges, I continued thinking to myself. I pulled out my pink and white creme polishes and added some to the dots, but that wasn't enough, in my opinion. My husband did think it made everything look better, even better than the stamp alone. "It covers the puke nicely!"

Thanks hon. I feel much better now.

As a finishing touch, I added lime green and yellow creme dots to the remaining spots and covered it all in Seche Vite. And you know what?

It wasn't horrible, but I don't think I'll be wearing this one again. There are just too many things here that just didn't work well together, and I'm just... no. No. Never again!

Do you have any horrible stories about manicures that just didn't work as well as you hoped? I'd love to hear them to make me feel better about this one!

I'm STILL finding green glitter places...

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