Monday, November 21, 2011

Really? Is THIS what my life has become?

You know, for a long time I've wondered if my life is actually written by a group of incredibly creative, sadistic scriptwriters. They'd have to be unsuccessful scriptwriters, though, because my life is too unbelieveable.

For instance, take the last week or so. First I ended up in the emergency room with a pretty severe asthma attack, the worst I've ever had. That was an event in itself, involving a panic attack, albuterol, a terrifyingly high blood pressure, and lots of ativan. Oh yea, and grape medicine for nausea that actually made me throw up... whee.

Then I spent 5 days on antibiotics, which always makes me feel icky. But it was ok, because I'd rather breathe than feel good. Easy choice, right?

Two days after finishing the antibiotics, I got some sort of stomach bug, and thought I was gonna end up back in the hospital with c. diff. Trust me, you don't want c. diff, and neither did I. After 12-16 hours of intestinal distress I felt weak as a kitten, but so very happy that things were finally improving.

And then... yesterday. I hadn't slept in oh, 20-24 hours and had finally started to feel like I could sleep. I snuggled down into my covers, closed my eyes, and heard what sounded like a bomb dropping into my ear. A gnat had, for some reason unknown to me, flown into my left ear and gotten stuck.

I could feel it moving, could hear fluttering whumping noises as it struggled to get free. Unfortunately, I was on my own til my husband got home to help me so I was stuck for two hours with this bug in my ear. Have I mentioned I've got a tendency to have panic attacks?

Yea. I was panic-stricken, but I managed to talk myself down. "It's just a gnat," I told myself. They don't bite, they don't sting. It won't harm me, it's just annoying.

Thankfully the gnat calmed down too, and stopped struggling. I tried using a q-tip to sort of help scoot the gnat out, but that was a no-go. Once my husband came home, we tried to float the gnat out with water, but all that did is make my ear feel weirder.

So we loaded up into the car and went to the pharmacy, me and my gnat, so I could get some ear wax removal drops. I was pretty sure the gnat was stuck to the wax in my ear, so I had to remove the wax to remove the gnat.

Once we got home, I stretched out on the bed, pulled up youtube to distract me for a while, and filled my ear full of the wax removal drops. I felt what I thought was bubbling as it cleaned the wax, but when I turned to drain the drops out, a big clump got stuck in my ear. Another round of drops produced no bubbling, but also didn't remove the clump.

I had to use the bulb syringe from the kit to flush the gunk out, and sure enough- a blob with a gnat came out on the third rinsing. My husband spotted it just as I realized I could hear again. Such a tiny little thing to create so much panic!

I cleaned the other ear just to keep things even, and when I put the drops in, I realized the worst part- the drops don't bubble. That was the gnat, flailing as the drops killed it. So... freaking... gross.

And of course, now that I had all that stress I'm now fighting with the fibro flare of all flares. The funniest part to me is that today while I was sitting and watching youtube videos to distract myself from the miserable pain, I had a gnat fly up my nose. Can anyone tell me why the hell gnats are so freaking drawn to my bodily orifices? Because seriously, that was NO FUN!

Tips for removing a bug from your ear:
1. Don't panic. It won't help you get the bug out, and it will make things worse for those around you.
2. Don't use q-tips or any other type of blunt object to try and remove the bug. It won't work, and will only push the bug in deeper. It might even damage your ear drum.
3. Do try to float the bug out with water. It might work.
4. Do try ear wax removal drops. Remember, you may have to flush the ear with a bulb syringe to get the bug out completely.
5. If all else fails, go to the emergency room. They've seen this before, and know how to handle it. Trust me, they can remove it.
I am SO tired.
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