Fibromyalgia and pain management through art

I love experimenting with lettering, and I was really sleepy...

You may have noticed the recent lack of posts here. There is a reason, and it's not because I've lost interest in my blog. Instead, it's the usual reason- my fibromyalgia is causing me quite a few problems.

For the past few months, I've been having more and more issues with pain control, and I've been able to do less and less. Not good when you have a life to live, you know? For some reason, instead of telling my doctors how I'm actually doing, I tend to try and suck it up and just power through, hoping things will improve.

Of course, that never works, and I just end up making myself and everyone around me miserable as I try. Then I end up feeling horribly guilty, like somehow I've failed for having so much fibro pain. It makes no sense, and I seem to keep going through this cycle- I improve to a point I'm starting to get more active and feel better, so I want to come down on the medications that help me feel better.

I drew this at the party for my niece's first communion.
I just didn't want to put her name out there on the nets. :D

Now we're in the stage where we fix it. We're making changes to my medications, slowly so that I don't end up an overmedicated zombie. Unfortunately, the change we made last month actually seems to have made things worse. This is definitely not fun...

It's been quite the experience, to say the least. I've been going with unpolished nails for a lot of the time, because I just don't have the energy to paint them, or because I'm shaking too badly from pain to actually do them. My son and my husband have been wonderful, trying to cheer me up and keep me laughing even if they can't make the pain go away.

That's why I'm writing this post- for those of you who have fibromyalgia too, or those of you who have a chronic health condition. Some days are just bad, and that's ok. I like to share what I do to make those days more tolerable.

First off- music. I can't even begin to explain how much music alters my brain chemistry and takes me someplace else, where the pain is more tolerable. Everyone's musical balms will be different, but mine are Incubus, Jack Conte and Pomplamoose, Jack Johnson... each one creates a different response in me, but they're all useful.

I drew all of these during a particularly nasty
flash flood, in which my mom's house came
within about a half inch of getting water inside.
It was scary.

Laughter is also important for me. Even when I'm in tears from pain, I can laugh, and do. My husband is still my closest friend, and even after 20 years he can make me laugh easily. We snuggle when I can, and when it hurts too much he'll sit with me and talk, and make me laugh.

I really do think I'm the lucky one in our relationship. :D

Finally, I love to be creative when I can. Drawing when I can, and when I can't I color. In fact, when the pain got seriously bad, my husband and I went to WalMart so I could walk for a bit, and when I couldn't walk any more, he got a wheelchair for me and pushed me through the store, looking at cosmetics and toys and electronics. He took me through the coloring book section, where I picked out a sweet Strawberry Shortcake coloring book. I also got some neon colored pencils, since I love bright color.

I don't know why coloring is so satisfying for me, but it really is. It's almost hypnotic for me, watching each section slowly fill with color, coming to life with the rhythmic motion of my hand. I can lose myself in the application of color, even to something as silly as a children's coloring book.

Drawing for me is very similar. I rarely know what I'm going to draw when I start one of the mandala-type things I've been doing lately. I start with a square or a circle, and then just start adding bits. Piece by piece, they expand, each taking on their own style and vibe.

I love the tendrils flowing out from this one. It
makes me think of some sort of underwater creature,
flowing bits swirling around in the currents.

Before long, I've got a piece that seems finished, except for color. Lots of times, I hate what I've got at that point. But I keep going, coloring in the spaces and adding to the piece, sometimes blending pens together to achieve gradients or new colors. Speaking of pens...

I have a bit of an addiction. My purse would be so much lighter without my pens, but I need them. When I'm feeling stressed out or hurting, I pull out my notebook and start to draw, and things feel better. But the pens...

I don't even know how many pens I carry. I've made two small pouches that stand up in my purse so that my pens don't get lost in my bag. I have regular black drawing pens (one super-fine point, one fine point, a couple of medium point, some sharpies...), neon gel pens, metallic pens, glitter pens. I have a set of ballpoint pens in various colors of the rainbow. When I think about which pens I would want to stop carrying? I can't even pick... they're my security blanket, and they go wherever I go.

This little guy is a... well, he's a bird thing. He doesn't honk, he doesn't quack.
He quonks. And that's good enough for me.

I don't always draw mandala things. I seem to get almost obsessed with things. For a while I drew fancy cakes, cupcakes. I even did a couple of paintings of cakes. Then it moved on to other things...

I draw robots and fairies and fantasy landscapes. And now, apparently, I draw bird things. I don't even know... but he's kind of cute.

So yea... pain management. I see my doctor in a couple of weeks, and hopefully I'll be feeling well enough to finish the kick-butt video I'm editing right now, and to do the reviews I've got in my planner. I've got so many plans, if I can get my body to cooperate!

Next month will be better.

See my disclosure statement for more information.

Jessica Cosmetics - Desire

Hi! I have some wonderful goodies to share with you over the next few days. I recently got a box full of nail polishes from Jessica Cosmetics, and I fell in love with one of them right away. Let me show you Desire...

Ok, that was cheesy, but I couldn't resist. Still, Desire is a gorgeous raspberry red that waved to me from the box, shouting pick me, pick ME! What could I do? How could I leave that poor little polish unworn, sad and lonely, feeling unfulfilled?

I couldn't!

This deep raspberry is so lush. If I'd been a bit more generous with my application it would be a one-coat polish, but even so two thin coats gave me a deep, rich glossy finish. Drying time was a bit slow, but that could be because my bottle of ProFX is getting old and funky.

One thing amuses me- this polish is part of the bridal collection. For some reason, bright red polish never stuck me as a bridal color. On the other hand, my best friend from college had the most beautiful wedding gown with deep red accents. It was absolutely breathtaking, and she looked like a princess.

So yea, red works. :D

Also, I apologize for the scratches on my nails in these photos. I gave my husband a pedicure, and wound up scratching the heck out of my nails with my emery board. They are absolutely all my fault, and not a reflection of the polish.

Since it's 4am and I need sleep, I'm going to upload the rest of the pics. What can I say, I had fun photographing these.

This is the most color-accurate photo I took. Flash definitely washed this color out. I'm in love. :D

Desire is available from the Jessica Cosmetics website for $7.50, or at a salon near you. If you'd like to keep up with this brand, why not follow them on twitter?

Polish was provided by the brand for consideration.

See my disclosure statement for more information.

Wow. I'm all sorts of weird.

Do you ever have one of those experiences that just defies explanation? Yea, I just had one of those. Let me see if I can explain...

Right now, I'm reading Let's Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson. It's funny and thought-provoking and bizarre, which really isn't a surprise if you've read her blog. Be warned- that last link is probably not at all kid safe or work safe.

She's the type of person who keeps multiple taxidermied animals and often makes up dialogue for them. She's made Christmas cards using the taxidermied head she named James Garfield, and that same James Garfield inadvertently raised $42,000 to help people buy Christmas gifts for their kids and then ended up on Canadian TV for some reason.

She's kind of a cool chick.

Now, you need to realize that when I saw my pain management doctor last week, we changed my meds around a bit. I'd reached the point where I wasn't sleeping much at all anymore. I'd sleep an hour or two and then be awake for another 24-36 hours. You can probably understand how that would make any normal person feel pretty craptacular. It's even worse for people with fibro, and sets off this vicious cycle: I hurt, which means I can't sleep, which makes me hurt more, which keeps me awake... you can probably see where this is headed.

So... here's me a week into the new meds schedule and I'm sleepy all the time. I went from sleeping 1-2 hours a day to being awake 4-5 hours a day. *laughs* It won't stay like this, but man, I'm catching up on sleep.

... and that leads us to the point of this whole rambling blog post. I'd been reading the aforementioned book while sitting up cross-legged in bed when I suddenly looked at my hand. Apparently I'd drifted off to sleep and was dreaming that I was eating Triscuits, only to wake up mid-bite. My hand was poised in perfect Triscuit-holding position, and my mouth was open and everything.

So yea... I was sleep-miming eating Triscuits, and was actually annoyed when I saw that there was no Triscuit in my hand!!

Nope, I've got nothing. I think I need a nap.

At least I'm sleeping more?

See my disclosure statement for more information.

OMG, seriously?!

I suppose I should be used to this. Just when I think I've about got the computer stuff resolved, then comes a camera issue. And a software issue. And a Laynie issue... It's insane.

Somehow, the battery charger and spare battery we have for our camera disappeared. Not sure if it fell out of our camera bag last weekend or if it's somewhere in the house, but without it I'm dead in the water- no photos, no video, no nothing.

So, I figured I'd work on the video I've got already shot, except that suddenly my video editing program isn't recognizing that my video files are actually... you know, video. Makes it hard to edit video...

And finally, between my husband's dental nightmare and my fibro I've been absolutely pooped. I'm finally sleeping again, but holy cow I'm not getting much ELSE done. Stupid body.

I guess what I'm saying is don't give up on me, I am gonna be doing some super fun stuff soon. I just have to get everything together. You know... eventually. *shakes head*

You suck, soap opera writer!

See my disclosure statement for more information.

Wheee, I've finally figured it out!

Ok,  I've been working on this for a couple of weeks now, and I finally got it to work the way I wanted it to! I've got a video filmed, and am working on editing it. Until then, here's a teaser for what you'll learn to do soon!

The good news is this technique is quick, easy, and fun! It's also wonderful for you creative types, because you can do just about anything you like- greyscale images, color images, photos, clip art... the sky is the limit!

And since this is so easy, my rarely-seen right hand is making an appearance as well! You can see that they look alike! For once, you don't have to be skilled with your non-dominant hand. You can easily do designs that match!

So, rest assured, I've got the video shot and am working on editing it. I just got so excited I needed to share this!

I am absolutely loving this new technique...

See my disclosure statement for more information.

It's a monster flashback!

Here's another flashback, this time one of my favorite manicures of all time! I still get tempted to do another manicure like this, although I get sidetracked with all the other designs I want to do. Sometimes it's frustrating being creative!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy these monsters, because I know I did!

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I have just finished the silliest set of nail tips that I think have ever existed. Rhinestones? Heck no, that's too elegant! Roses? BORING. (Not really, but go with me on this!) I wanted something different, something that really expressed my inner self. I wanted monsters! But not just any monsters. No... I wanted monsters with WIGGLY EYES!

That's right. These nail tips have monsters on them, and those monsters have 3D wiggly eyes that actually move! Some of them look excited, some of them look menacing, but most of them look kind of confused, and I really like that! They're silly, and they're weird, and they're in halloween colors to boot! Purple, green, and orange combine on a stark black background to make these monsters really pop.

Now, I started these ages ago. I got the test one finished way back on August 6, believe it or not! They clearly didn't take that much time to complete. But I got the bases painted and then had a huge moment of fear: could I finish them? Could I make them as cute as I hoped they would be? And those nails sat, and waited, taunting me simply by being unfinished. It was almost depressing!

Then one night I realized that hey, it doesn't matter if they're perfect. They don't have to be perfect because they're monsters! That moment freed me from the fear I was fighting with, and I was able to dive in and get back to work on them. The more I worked, the happier I got, until finally I was giggling as I painted on the goofy details, the pink hair bow, or the goofy teeth on the orange guy with eye stalks. They're not perfect, but they're cute, and that's enough for me. Anyone who wants perfect monsters can paint their own!

By the way, I think you should enlarge the image above, even if you don't click any other images on this blog. It's silly, and you can see all the little guys in their full glory. They're pretty nutty, really, and I love them all! I may have to make my own set of these, especially if someone buys them.

Wait, buy them? That's right, this set of nails is also up on Etsy for $24.95. They'll come nicely and safely packaged so that you don't have to worry about them being squished by the post office, and then you'll get to love the little guys while I miss them.  These guys found their new home ages ago.

It's ok. I can make more. Already, my mind is filled with googly-eyed critters, and I'm wondering what to make next...

So, what do you think? Any other critters you'd like to see?

Flashback: More splatters, on black!

Ugh. Still dealing with computer issues. I'm typing this from my husband's computer. *sighs* It will get fixed, I promise... but til then, look at this gorgeous set of nails I did way back in July of 2010!

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You know, I admit it. I am totally a child of the 80s. I love neon, I love wild prints, and I love paint splats. This set of nails reminds me of a sweatshirt I had in grade school, only the shirt was white instead of black. But what better color than black to make colors pop?

You can see how vivid the colors are. I can't lie, I want to keep these all for myself! So much fun, but at least I can redo them if I decide to!

This set of nails is made with a custom-mixed rainbow of acrylic paints, so that they have the same level of intensity. I love the black base, and the topcoat makes the colors so intense and glassy!

I won't lie, I can see doing this design with shimmers, metallics, glitters... monochromatic colors, analogous colors... I think it'd be fun no matter HOW I mixed it up! It's just downright FUN! Oooh, imagine white splats on a black background, with the occasional splat of red! There are so many ways to do this, and I don't know if any are better than the others. You'll definitely see this pattern again, if only on Etsy! Speaking of Etsy, these will be going up as soon as I finish this post.

I'm so excited to add that I've got some surprises coming up soon! I'm planning some videos, both of some of those dramatic, color-shifting polishes in the sun as well as some technique videos. If you have anything you'd like to see, feel free to leave requests in the comments!

And oy, I've just looked at the clock to see that once again, I'm catching 7:30am from the wrong side. I think I need to go to sleep. Man... one of these days I'll get my internal clock set right again.

...maybe. :D

I really am going to get things fixed around here, I promise!

See my disclosure statement for more information.